Seven

After much thought, and lack of sleep, I’m convinced that the ideal number of bikes the average rider needs is seven. I’ve discussed this at length with fellow riders alike, and most agree that you could get by with as little as three, and anything over ten is a maintenance nightmare, but seven is ideal. So without further a due, my rational:

Road
Bike 1 – Super dope-a-lishous, sub 14 pound carbon wonder bike complete with deep dish carbon tubies, carbon bar tape, $100 - 6 gram carbon cages, and carbon seat, with of course carbon rails. The theme here is carbon people. This bike shall only be ridden on close course crit with thoroughly swept corners, and dry days with temps between 50-78 degrees. Its main purpose is to impress your cycling buddies, and to charge a nickel to anyone who chooses to pick it up to feel its lack of gravitational pull.

Bike 2 – Comfort training, but still light enough for stomping lesser riders at your local Tuesday Night Worlds. This could be carbon, but ideally something more unique and thought provoking to help project your obvious love and knowledge of the sport and your own quirkiness. Maybe a custom hyper light lugged steel beauty with a fade paint job, or something Ti from Serotta, or Moots. The key here is having something unique to your cycling group, but balances how cool/retro/hip/out-side-the-box you are, but is still blistering fast.

Cyclocross
Bike 3 – One of these silly things is more than enough, yet you still need one. There will be days where its too wet, too windy, too hot, too cold, too (fill in the blank) to ride conventional, established methods of cycling bliss, and one must pursue an alternative course of action, the gravel road. This bike will be abused, ridden in the harshest of conditions, chained to a light post outside your local Starbucks, and put away wet for weeks on end. Buy a cheap Redline, and use the takeoff parts from Bike 1 to get it rolling.

Mountain Bike
Bike 4 -- Carbon hardtail race bike. Much like Bike 1, a bike kept showroom new, only to be released to fly on the most sun filled of days on dry hard packed race courses. Again carbon is the theme. All parts for this bike should come with a weight limit sticker, and it should crumble into a pile of glass splinters should anyone over 162 pounds grace its saddle on a ride over the street curb. No 29’ers please, this bike should be fast.

Bike 5 – Suspension race bike. If you want to go fast, and need suspension, get an Epic, open up your checkbook, build it to under 21 pounds, and don’t blame the bike. The current world champ cant be wrong. Do not ride Bike 4 or 5 for more than 2 hours, unless you have the back of a 10 year old gymnast, move on to Bike 6.

Bike 6 – Five inch travel, all day, do anything, ride anywhere modern trail bike. It should be durable like your grandpas overalls, but light like grandma’s pie crust. This will be your go to fat tire friend so choose wisely. Obviously I’d choose a DW bike, something from Pivot or Ibis would fill the void nicely. Again no 29’ers please.

The WTF Bike
Bike 7 -- You probably already own this one. The fix gear track bike, converted with bull horns and platform pedals. Or maybe the ridged single speed 29’er with drop bars and down tube shifters. The Mullett bike which came to life one lonely night in your dark basement after a six-pack of Blueberry beer and a marathon Pink Floyd jam session. Ride long enough and you’ll sure to amass enough parts that its conception will be inevitable. Besides, you’ve got to do something with that schweet six speed Ti Suntour cassette nestled away in the back drawer!

Like I said seven is optimal, your millage may vary. At the end of the day though, the formula for the number of bikes a cyclist thinks he/she really needs is:

N + 1 = Number of bikes needs (where N=current number of bike)